Uncensored English vocabulary: Barking spiders and stepping on frogs (Farts part 2)
Posted on April 29, 2007
Filed under Bodily functions, Misc, Upper intermediate |
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Barking spiders and stepping frogs: the vocabulary of farting
Hi Lori here welcoming you to part two of our episode on farts and farting, from uncensoredenglish.com. In part two, Michael and I discuss vocabulary, slang and even some phrasal verbs — all to do with farts. If you go to the uncensoredenglish.com website, you’ll find a learning guide with all the vocabulary and other points that we take up in this podcast, plus bonus links and references.
OK, fasten your seat belts — here we go!
Noun
Vulgar: fart
Informal euphemisms: trump, barking spiders, toot, wind
Medical: flatus, flatulence
Verb phrases
Vulgar: to fart, to let one rip, to let one go, to cut the cheese, let of a blanket ripper (For real fun, Google: fart dutch oven)
Euphemism: to step on a frog (as in, “Oops, I stepped on a frog!”
Polite: to break wind, to pass gas
Vulgar euphemisms
to play the ass trombone
phrasal verbs (all mean to waste time, to fool around, to goof off)
to fart about
to fart around
to fart off
to fart-arse about
Idioms
a fart in a gale = hopeless, useless.
Example: “You’ve got as much chance of becoming a multi-billionaire as a fart in a gale.”
a brain fart = doing something uncharacteristically stupid or inept (because your brain wasn’t working); not being able to think of something that should be obvious (tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon).
Example: “My English totally sucks today; I must be having a brain fart.”
More fart idioms and slang
See this huge list of fart idioms and slang.
Fart facts
Etymology
The word fart is thought to descend from Anglo-Saxon feortan or feortian (Wikipedia)
What are farts?
Farts contain gases such as nitrogen, carbon dioxide, methane, hydrogen, oxygen, and hydrogen sulphide. These gases are produced by bacteria that live in the digestive system and break down food into nutrients that the body can absorb.
The distinctive stink of farts comes from compounds such as skatole, indole, hydrogen sulfide, short-chain fatty acids, and volatile amines. Humans can detect these stinky compounds in concentrations of one part per 100 million!
Fart makers
What you eat has great influence on how much gas your body produces. Some items are notorious for their effects:
- Beans, lentils and other legumes; cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage and other cruciferous vegetables.
- Garlic and onions.
- Bread and beer can lead to gases as well, particularly if you switch to a different brand.
- Antibiotics that kill the bacteria in your stomach.
Sulphur-rich foods (predominantly cauliflower, eggs and meat) make stinky gas. The vegetables mentioned above contain some kinds of carbohydrates which the human digestion system cannot handle properly. In general, a high fiber diet is considered healthful. However, farts are an undesirable side-effect of diets rich in vegetables, legumes and fiber.
How much do we fart?
It’s normal to fart 12 - 40 times per day, emitting between 0.5 and two liters of gas. You should only worry if you fart significantly more than this.
Record farting frequency: 145 farts in 24 hours, 83 farts in 4 hours.
Animals account for 20 to 30% of the methane in the earth’s atmosphere (burping and farting). Humans account for less than 5%.
Fart busters
- Reduce carbohydrates in your diet.
- Go for a walk. It stimulates digestion and “gets things moving.” Just make sure to look behind you before you let rip.
- Use foods such as fennel (infusion or seeds), aniseed, peppermint, coriander or chamomile. Ginger after meals is also supposed to help.
Better out than in
It’s tempting to hold in your farts to avoid embarrassment in social settings. But if you hold your farts in for too long, the gas can be absorbed in the blood stream and then exhaled as a bad breath (Wikipedia). If possible, you should find a discreet location to relieve yourself. If you can’t step outside of find another room, you can try “blaming the dog” if there is a dog handy.
Fart etiquette
In the middle ages, loudly breaking wind and belching after meals were considered a sign that you had enjoyed the meal, a way of complimenting you host. This is not the case today in most western culture.
- In polite company, gentlemen always take the blame for ladies. Don’t ask why, just do it.
- Blame the dog if there is one around.
- If there is no dog, then blame the non-existent one while laughing as if to make a joke of it. If your emission was not too pungent, this tactic can really liven up a dull party. (Thanks to Mr. Manners for this tip)
- Breaking wind in an elevator (lift) is sadistically evil. There is no escape for the hapless victims, and
Steer clear of notoriously windy foods well before important social occasions. - If someone stretches out their hand and asks you to pull their finger, they are about to fart. This is a juvenile trick much enjoyed by college students.
- If everything else fails and everybody is staring at you, try turning your mishap into an achievement: put on a proud face, execute the YES! victory gesture, and challenge your companions to beat you with an even louder/smellier one.
Even if you loosed a “silent but deadly,” don’t attempt to blame anyone else in your surroundings. You can sometimes get away with feigning innocence, but you must restrain from asking questions such as “Ooh, who stepped on a frog?” Because everybody knows that whoever smelt it, dealt it, or whoever denied it, supplied it. The obvious response to this is of course, the one who said the rhyme did the crime. (Adapted from http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A673508 )
References and further reading
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A673508 (Hilarious and informative! )
http://www.garlicseedfoundation.info/tail_winds.htm
http://www.smellypoop.com/farts.html
Mr Manners on the etiquette of passing gas
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6 Responses to “Uncensored English vocabulary: Barking spiders and stepping on frogs (Farts part 2)”
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Funny and useful topic. Thanks for the bringing.
Hahahaha, really … Woohoo …
1. We always blame the cat. One cat in particular, while we actually have two. Poor cat …
2. Once, John met a girl and after dating a few times, she wanted to introduce him to her parents over dinner.
Dinner consisted of onion soup. After the second helping of onion soup, John felt something build up. After a few stomach-cramping tries to hold it, he let go. A loud and smelly fart was the result. He was completely embarassed! His girlfriend’s father pointed a finger at the dog and shouted “MAX! Watch it!”. Relieved, John continued on to the main course: meat and cabbage. After only a few bites, he felt another attack of flatulence coming up. Another loud fart ensured. Again, the father yelled “MAX! You’d better watch it!”. Relieved that the father seemed to think the dog was doing the farting, John felt confident enough to let go of another one, just a minute later. This time the father got up, pointed at the dog and shouted “MAX! If you don’t watch it, next time he’s gonna fart your head of!”
I haven’t learned one single word of english, yet I would recommend this one to any of my friends.
An yes, Michael is getting funnier every time!
Keep up the good work guys!
How do you say ”pau no cú” in English?
How do you say ”vai tomar no teu cú” in English?
Can u answer?
Thanks for the nice comments, everyone. And Kristof, that story was priceless!
Alessandro, I don’t speak Portuguese, but I think you can capture the essence of the second one with any of the following:
(Go) stick it up your ass!
Stick it!
Piss off
Fuck off
And they’re ALL fighting words, so be careful!
Sorry, but I don’t understand the first one you asked about. Maybe one of our readers can help?